17 Years Ago…

Seventeen years ago on August 10, I said “I Do” to Naomi. She was 18 years old, I was 20…yikes! I just got laid off from my job. I had no money in savings. We were BROKE! I had no plan. I just knew that Naomi was the one for me. I remember rolling quarters to put gas in our tank. I remember occasionally finding a twenty dollar bill in a jacket pocket which would come at just the right time. God has always provided…He has always been faithful! God used those early years to mold us, and shape us, and teach us to depend upon Him.

I would not dream of planting a church without Naomi by my side. She is the most stable, level-headed, caring, self-giving person that I know…seriously! I really love her…can you tell?

I can’t wait to spend this week with her and our four great kids on vacation at the beach. I won’t be posting this week at all…I’ll catch up with you next week sometime!

Communication Constipation (3 of 4)

Don’t you just love being put on hold? Especially when there is bad elevator music playing in the background! What’s worse is when you are left listening to staticky elevator music.

In our communication with our spouse, we put them on hold when we…

• Shut down and refuse to engage in the conversation.
• Fill their ear with staticky noise instead of listening intently to their concern.
• Put off an important conversation that needs to take place NOW not later.

Often times, the conversation is started off poorly which causes the other person to place us on hold almost immediately.

If you find yourself being put on hold by your spouse, think about how you are initiating the conversation…

• Maybe you are trying to initiate a conversation at a really poor time. Timing will often make the difference whether you are put on hold or not.

• Are you angry? Maybe count to 10 first, then try to initiate the conversation. An angry spouse will almost always be put on hold

What causes you to put your spouse on hold?

Communication Constipation (2 of 4)

Yesterday, I shared my experience of trying to cancel a service over the phone. I likened it to how our communication sometimes is in our marriage relationships. I was transferred to different people several times during my 30 minute phone call. Each time It felt like I was being blown off. One of the transfers occurred while I was still talking.

Sometimes in our communication with our spouse, we transfer the call instead of listening and dealing with issues head on. We are guilty of transferring the call in our communication when…

1. We don’t own up to our own mistakes.
2. We transfer the blame to other people or circumstances.
3. We’re more worried about who’s right or wrong than we are about fixing the issue.

Transferring the call never fixes the problem, it only makes it worse. It aggravates an issue into an even bigger issue.

Instead of transferring the call, we need to try to…

• Listen to the other person completely and without interruption. (Prov. 12:15)
• Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand why they are feeling this way.
• Listen some more. (Prov. 18:13)
• Own your mistakes completely, without trying to defend your actions. (Prov. 15:31)
• Say, “I’m sorry“. These are two of the most powerful words in our vocabulary. Many arguments would stop at the sound of these two words. (Prov. 15:1)

What are some others ways to avoid transferring the call?

Communication Constipation (Part 1 of 4)

Did you ever notice how quickly a service provider picks up the phone when you are ordering new service from them? It was so easy, painless, and efficient.

However, when I’m trying to cancel a service from that same company this morning, it’s quite a different story. By the time I finally talk to someone “live”, I’m frustrated, I’m tired from the endless transfer of calls to another department, being put on hold, and getting disconnected mid-sentence, and lovely conversations with mono-tone computer girl named cyber sally. By the time I finally get someone on the phone, I’m ready to strangle them. My nice, professional, reasoning voice is out the window and out comes my mono-tone, direct to the point voice. I’ve explained my story to 5 different people. I’ve given my Name & Address(for security purposes) to those same 5 people! They must think that I’m gonna change my mind about canceling the service while I’m on hold!

It’s no wonder the employee turnover rate for these jobs is through the roof! By the time the customer finally gets through to the right person, the customer service agent doesn’t stand a chance. It’s over!

I think I was more upset about the process of canceling the service than I was about the actual service I was canceling.

The communication in our marriages can sometimes be like this experience. Rather than listening to our spouse’s concern with an open ear, we sometimes transfer the call, put them on hold, or disconnect them.

Tomorrow, we’ll dig into what happens when we transfer the call in our relationship with our spouse.